You win some, you lose some

Today would be an example of how we lost...big time ... in our role as parents.

About 3 or 4 weeks ago, maybe longer, Lance went to the pharmacy to pick up Sage's meds. He came home and we had a discussion about these meds (Singulair and Nasonex) b/c they cost us $50.00 a month, every month. We decided that since she was still continuing to get sick every 3 weeks, sometimes even just every 2 weeks, that we would take her off her meds and see how she would do. In our eyes, the meds were doing nothing for her.

This past weekend we all got the stomach flu. Unfortunately for Sage, illnesses don't end so quickly. Everything turns into a respiratory issue for her even though she has never been diagnosed w/ asthma. Monday she ran a fever, got a runny nose and started to cough. Each day her cough has gotten worse. Much worse. Today was the worst I have seen in over a year. At 1 point her whole body was shaking because of all the coughing. In fact, tonight we gave her Codiene hoping that it will give her a few hours of rest since it's impossible for her to sleep well. It has been awful. Hideous. True hell on earth is to watch your child suffer.

Out of desperation I phoned the pulmonologist. He's the best in the area. The expert. The be all, end all in this field. I'll be honest. I wanted to lie and not tell the nurse that we took her off the meds. I was already suffering the consequence of watching her suffer, wasn't I? But it wasn't in Sage's best interest to lie. After 2, long and in-depth conversations with her (she spoke to the expert inbetween our calls) the verdict came in: "put her back on the meds and breathe". Translation: "you are crazy to have taken her off of these drugs and now we have tagged you as 1 of our lunatic mothers." Sage was already back on her meds at this point and we pray that the Singulair brings her relief in the next 1-2 days. I was so disappointed though to hear her say, "Dr. R. really doesn't have anything else in his arsenal for her". So disappointed. If he can't help her, who can? But that's jumping the gun. It's not my job to worry. We'll put her back on the drugs and remember how awful life has been for her this go-around of illness and pray that the next time she is sick that it will be much, much shorter and much less severe.

You win some, you lose some. Especially in parenting.