I promised Erin I'd read and summarize this book for her. Here is my attempt. I am only writing out the ideas that spoke to me...you know, the sentences I high-lighted, or in some cases used crayon b/c it was the only thing I could find at the time to write with. These are the author's words verbatim. I am strictly copying and pasting b/c I'm too tired to do otherwise. Plagiarism at its best I suppose. The book is written by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell, M.D. It helps that I'm reading this book w/ 2 other friends to keep me accountable.
Chapter 1, Love is the Foundation
"In raising children, everything depends on the love relationship between the parent and the child. Nothing works well if a child's love needs are not met. Only the child who feels genuinely loved and cared for can do her best....unless you speak the love language that communicates to her your love--she will not feel loved." p17
Filling The Emotional Love Tank
'By speaking your child's own love language, you can fill his "emotional tank" with love. When your child feels loved, he is much easier to discipline and train than when his "emotional tank" is running near empty.' p17
"We must fill our children's emotional tanks for them to operate as they should and reach their potential." p17
"We need to fill our children's emotional love tanks with unconditional love, because real love is always unconditional. Unconditional love is a full love that accepts and affirms a child for who he is, not for what he does." p17
"Only unconditional love can prevent problems such as resentment, feelings of being unloved, guilt, fear, and insecurity." p18
How a Child Feels Loved
"If children feel genuinely loved by their parents, they will be more responsive to parental guidance in all areas of their lives." p19-20
"There are basically five ways children (indeed, all people) speak and understand emotional love. They are: physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts and acts of service." p20
A "No Matter What" Kind of Love
"We love regardless of what the child looks like; regardless of her assets, liabilities, or handicaps; regardless of what we expect her to be; and, most difficult of all, regardless of how she acts. It does mean that we give and show love to our child all the time, even when her behavior is poor". p20
"A child's emotional tank must be filled before any effective training or discipline can take place." p20
How to Communicate Your Love
Motivating Through Your Behavior
"...children are behaviorally motivated. They respond to actions--what you do with them. So to reach them, you must love them on their terms, or behaviorally." p26
"Your children will sense how you feel about them by how you behave toward them. It was the apostle John who wrote, 'Dear Children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.' " p27
"You can simply remember that behavioral expressions of love can be divided into physical touch, quality time, gifts, acts of service, and words of affirmation." p27
Speaking Your Child's Love Language
"Speaking your child's love language will meet his or her deep emotional need for love. This does not mean you speak only that primary love language. Children need all 5 languages of love to keep their emotional tanks full." p27
"If your child is under age 5, don't expect to figure out his primary love language." p27
Feedback??? Anyone get this far?? Is this helpful to anyone???
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